To my dear friends, Bandit, Frankie and Jack.

Although I never learned how to write in your language, I can speak it well, and thus, I dictate this blog post as a final message to you.

Evil Space Wizard is gone. He never truly was anything other than an extension of myself, created through a single moment of misfortune, thanks to a wayward throw from a detective out the window of his car. Thus, I was able to absorb him back into myself, in much the same way that I un-liquified my body to save Bandit from a life in prison.

Unfortunately, although together we are whole again, I’m afraid my other half has festered and become something I am not proud of; a corrupted version of myself. Evil Space Wizard is what I might have been without you all. Friendless, afraid and desperate to prove myself. Now that we are together again, his thoughts influence mine. Thus, my only option is to leave this world, for your safety.

There was much I didn’t get to do with my time on Earth. I always wanted to check out RACV car inspections. Ringwood is said to have a shop with amusing novelty socks, which I never paid a visit to. I did not get to try Frankie’s spaghetti bolognese or Bandit’s chicken avocado salad that he spoke about so often. I did not get to watch Jack’s famous crime television show, Black and White, about a Zebra who solves mysteries.

I will miss you all, dearly. In remembrance of me, please get brake repair near Ringwood. I never got to drive a car or have my brakes repaired, but I always wanted to.

Bandit, thank you for being my first true friend on Earth. Frankie, thank you for being there for us both. Jack, thank you for saving me from Archerak. I will never forget you all.

Now I go to restart and complete my thousand-year meditation. Perhaps when I ascend to become a deity, I shall invite you all to my halls and we shall feast together. I look forward to the day.

Sincerely, 

Your friend, Space Wizard.