I can’t believe Dr Dark McBane is running for Premier of Victoria… and he’s actually going to win. The polls show that he’s way ahead of Premier Norris. Are you all serious? I understand that Premier Norris has done some terrible things over the last few years, but his competition is a literal megalomaniac who has a history of trying to take over and/or destroy Melbourne, but somehow has never been apprehended by the police. I cannot fathom how anybody would vote for this guy.

It’s like, you do a few bathroom renovations near Melbourne and suddenly all your past crimes are forgiven? And I don’t care whether it’s actually bathroom renovations he’s doing, or laundry or kitchen. It doesn’t matter. This guy walked straight out of a Marble comic book as a supervillain. He is a self-proclaimed supervillain and people are voting for him anyway? What is going on? Let me remind you of a few crimes this guy has committed. He kidnapped every mechanic in Australia and put them to work without pay. He caused Melbourne’s weather to change from sub-zero to over forty whenever he felt like it. He made an army of giant, mutant roses rise up and attack people in the streets! I know that the Dirge got credit for most of those evil plans, but Dr Dark McBane has always claimed they were his evil plans. And yet it seems all the bathroom designers, air conditioners and sentient cars want to throw this guy a parade in the streets!

I think it’s time someone took things into their own hands. If people will vote for him even though he’s a dang supervillain, I’ll have to find another reason for people not to vote for him. I’ll do some research. I’m sure he’s taken some kid’s lollipop or kicked a dog somewhere along the line. Something like that will get people against him. I think it’s my job to turn the public opinion against this crazy guy. Somebody has to.