I thought today would be a normal day, but it seems I was horribly wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. That’s how wrong I was. I got up in the morning and had a regular breakfast of toast with peanut butter. Then I had a shower, got dressed and brushed my teeth. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Well, then I decided that my kitchen wasn’t exactly what I wanted it to be. It’s been feeling a bit dull for a while now. So I decided to get a renovation! That’s exciting, yeah?

So I got in contact with some kitchen designers who came around to assess the kitchen and give me a quote. I was perfectly happy to pay the price and ready to move on with the project. The designers went back to their office, giving me some paperwork to fill out. That was when I heard something strange coming from the oven. An odd fizzing sound. 

I went over to the oven and looked inside. There was a strange glowing stone that was red in colour. Energy seemed to radiate from it, almost as if the oven was on. Feeling daring, I reached out and touched the stone. I suppose it looked more like a rough gem than a stone. I didn’t get a great look at it, because as soon as it touched my skin, the rock turned into streams of light and entered my body. Suddenly I was feeling really, really hot. The feeling got worse until eventually, heat burst out of me in an explosion so powerful that it destroyed my kitchen. So much for getting the best kitchen renovations around Melbourne! I’ll need a full rebuild now.

So yeah, that was pretty weird. To make matters worse, I’ve lost about half my body mass. In fact, I kind of just look like a bunch of walking bones now, but more like the bones are made of plastic. Also, they’re red, orange and grey. Oh my gosh, I just realised what happened. I’ve been turned into a Bionic Cool! I can’t believe I’m one of those buildable toys my kids used to play with. This has been the worst day ever!

– Flamin’ Mavis